he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
