Already got asked if we're dating
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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