I faked an abortion last night.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
