Screwed.edu
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i came on her dog
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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