I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize