just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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