My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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