My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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