New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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