he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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