Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
