Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
