Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
