During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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