i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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