so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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