The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
