At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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