I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
