i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize