I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
