I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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