Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
