I threw up into my coffee this morning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
