i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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