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I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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