im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
