Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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