I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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