Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
