I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
