Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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