omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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