Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize