How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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