I am puke
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
