Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
