He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize