If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
