I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
