apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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