My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
