have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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