dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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