We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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