i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize