Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
