dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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