you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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