I wish I could teleport
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
