I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
