i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
