the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
