just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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