He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
