my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
