I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
