I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
