Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
