Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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