True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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