I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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