I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She even gives head with a lisp.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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